I left the kids with Max earlier, intending to go to the shop. He said it would be fine, and he would tell them a story. Fortunately, the penny dropped before I got out of the house, and I was able to rush back in and wrestle the manuscript for the first volume of his masterpiece off of him (The Fellowship of the Ring, Who Have Orgies)
As I hastily ate an entire packet of dry cereal, I took a look through the book. Starting from the beginning, I began to read:
"When Mr. Bilbo Baggins of Bag End announced that he would shortly be celebrating his eleventy-first birthday with a party of special magnificence and hookers, there was much talk and excitement in Hobbiton, where everyone had lots of sex.
Bilbo was very rich and very peculiar, and had lots of sex
I put the book down, and continued chewing.
Having finished the cereal, I hid the manuscript in the empty packaging. I then went outside, and fed the packaging to the dragon in the backyard. Some things are not fit for the eyes of men...