Wednesday, 10 March 2010

So, it looks like I'm going back to jail.

For the last few weeks, I've been carrying out a little project of mine: Essentially, it's my marketing pilot for a reality T.V show. Essentially again, I've kidnapped 10 members of the public, locked them in my basement, and drugged them up with opiates. Step two of this plan is to spraypaint a bunch of wild animals, some trained ones, and occasionally, hired kids and midgets in costumes, who roam the streets and countrysides. After a few days of psychological manipulation, I release my captured, drugged 'stars' into the word, having convinced them they're in a Pokemon-esq world, and to win my show, they must become the best trainer ever! Of course, each gets their own starting Pokemon, choosing from: A fire extinguisher tied to a turtle; a tortoise with a conifer attached to its back; or a child in a dragon costume, armed with a flamethrower.
 Unfortunately, as you can imagine, the plan was not a rousing success. At first, things went well: My stars, caught up in the moment, encouraged their adorable animal or animal-like thing to beat another adorable animal, animal-type thing, or passer-bye, half to death. Of course, after this beating, they should capture said thing in a mechanical ball with shrinking powers. In real life, however, this doesn't work. It was not long before Eddie - a popular contestant, and the bookmakers favourite - was arrested for setting an orange Rottweiler on someone's grandfather, then throwing painted tennis balls at him.
 Indeed, the whole project was a disappointment - most of the animals died due to the painting process, the bears I let loose in the park are still at large, funding organised crime, and many, many people are dead or severely injured.
 I myself, despite covering my tracks well, was arrested for spraypainting a midget gray and injecting him with steroids.

Once again, I question the cultural relevance of this blog, but in my defense, Pokemon is still relatively popular, and reality TV is still largely stupid. Frankly, you should just be glad I didn't go for my original plan, Pokemon: Pocket molesters...

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