Saturday, 20 March 2010

Nightmare at 20,000 leagues under the sea.

Portrait of a frightened man: Mr. Paul Blanchard, nineteen, man, son and liar on sick-leave. Mr. Blanchard has just been discharged from a sanitarium where he spent the last six months recovering from a nervous breakdown, the onset of which took place on an evening not dissimilar to this one, on an airliner very much like the one in which Mr. Blanchard is about to be flown home - the difference being that, on that evening half a year ago, Mr. Blanchard's flight was terminated by the onslaught of his mental breakdown, and featured more bears. Also, he's not flying, he's on a submarine. Tonight, he's traveling all the way to his appointed destination, which, contrary to Mr. Blanchard's plan, happens to be in the darkest corner of the sea. You know, the bit with those fuck-ugly fish with the lights.
 Arrgh! I'm in a submarine, and a giant narwhal is ripping up one of the wings!... Hey, wait a minute...

Sorry. I thought of the title first, then tried to make a joke out of it. I have failed, and am going in to self-imposed exile in the cesspit of mankind, France. I shall be giving away all my possessions before I leave, so friends: get in an application form if you want anything, accompanied by an essay about my brilliance. Obviously, don't make it too good, or I might be compelled to stay.

7 comments:

HayleyMathers said...

Hi, I nominate myself as a friend. Can I have things now?

On the other hand I don't think that you should go to France... no one else even pretends to believe in my squirrel band...

Lauren said...

Don't go! Your warped mind will be missed, unless you fly at warped speed and return in a blink of an eye, or something equal to the acceleration point of a blink.

Homemaker Man said...

If you do go, I want Max, you mildly brilliant sonofabitch

Ben Tyson said...

I want your PS3. Anything to stop Steve getting it eh?

Oh, and don't get too bigheaded. I live with you and know you are in no way brilliant. Just really, really insane...

Paul Blanchard said...

Hayley, a squirrel band is, of course, a sensible thing.
Lauren and Homemaker man (If that's your name, as the cliche goes...) Thanks, you've convinced me to stay... Everyone else: blame them...
Oh, and you can get Max now, as long as you pay the P&P

TYSON! I know where you live!

Ben Tyson said...

Yeah, well, I know where YOU live! And I shall drive you out of the country yet, you see if I don't...

Leeuna said...

Don't leave us, Paul. However, if you must, then I want your brilliance. I can then write stuff to make myself laugh.

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