I was awoken last night by some sort of commotion in my front yard. Rushing outside, I found a giant, burning cross and an effigy hanging from a tree. With trepidation, I approached the effigy, expecting some sort of crude representation of a black man or a Jew, or whatever group bigots like to pick on these days. However, closer inspection revealed what appeared to be a middle aged white man-doll. Closer inspection still (Not that close, I was about a foot away. I was just studying it more intently. You shouldn't take everything so literally.) revealed the figure had a very high waistline. It dawned on me - I was obviously being targeted by a group of Simon Cowell haters. Since I was examining things closer, I took a better look at what I'd assumed was a crucifix. In fact, the cross was more of a Saint Andrew's affair than the traditional Jesus-nailing cross, and the X-shaped cross was painted red. Obviously, someone really didn't like the X-factor.
I get that... What I don't get is why they were so extreme about it or why they targeted me. I don't even like Simon Cowell, so why target me?
How can so much shit happen to the same person?