Some kind of Extremists are targeting me...

I was awoken last night by some sort of commotion in my front yard. Rushing outside, I found a giant, burning cross and an effigy hanging from a tree. With trepidation, I approached the effigy, expecting some sort of crude representation of a black man or a Jew, or whatever group bigots like to pick on these days. However, closer inspection revealed what appeared to be a middle aged white man-doll. Closer inspection still (Not that close, I was about a foot away. I was just studying it more intently. You shouldn't take everything so literally.) revealed the figure had a very high waistline. It dawned on me - I was obviously being targeted by a group of Simon Cowell haters. Since I was examining things closer, I took a better look at what I'd assumed was a crucifix. In fact, the cross was more of a Saint Andrew's affair than the traditional Jesus-nailing cross, and the X-shaped cross was painted red. Obviously, someone really didn't like the X-factor.
 I get that... What I don't get is why they were so extreme about it or why they targeted me. I don't even like Simon Cowell, so why target me?
 How can so much shit happen to the same person?

A documentry on Irons

In the wild, of course, man and iron are natural enemies. But, when raised together in captivity, it has been shown that the two can interact peacefully. In some cases, they have even been shown to bond and work together.
Irons first came to public attention thanks to the entertainment industry. While irons had been known about by a percentage of the population as a weapon to fight creases, knowledge of their existence spread mainly due to their ability to create mirth in domestic situations. The famous sequence, where an iron is inadvertently left on a shirt or pair of trousers, and causes various amounts of damage, was first popularised by William Ironson in the 1921 silent film, "Troubles of Lordship". In one sequence, the titular Lord is forced to iron his own trousers as his maid is ill. Distracted by a knock at the door, the Lord leaves the iron on his best trousers. Soon, of course, the iron burns through the trousers, starting a fire that kills 17 people.
Ironson, the child of an Ironmonger and a triangle, became an instant star due to his now-famous routine. In the decades that followed however, he became more and more despondent due to typecasting. Unable to get any serious acting roles, Ironson returned to his original passion - the stage - in 1983, and retired from film and television. However, in recent years, he appears to be more nostalgic in regards to his film roles, reprising his part for several charity events.

Washing is dangerous

Clothes straight out of the tumble dryer are very hot, especially if they have metal buttons. I learned this the hard way.
Don't even ask about the metal fly...

Also, i think my underwear has shrunk...