Saturday 24 January 2009

Local News!

Following the resignation of the Chief Judge, Father Hudson, there will be no scrabble tournaments for the foreseeable future. Jeff Hudson has been adjudicating at the popular local event for almost 20 years, but recently began confiding in friends that he no longer got the same joy from the activity. Mr. Hudson, 49, has blamed his decision on the number of young people who have recently began using the scrabble letters to form rude and offensive words and phrases, and claimed last weeks fracas - where a fight broke out between John Thompson and Mayor Calum Goldridge after Thompson apparently accidentally spelled out "Mayor fat and ineffective" on the board - as the reasons behind his resignation. however, sources close to Hudson suggest his alleged addiction to communal wafers may have influenced his choice to go.
The scrabble committee is now on the lookout for a new judge.

Congratulations to Bernard Coolidge, 33, who has recently been seen around town sporting a handsome moustache. Coolidge said he was inspired to grow the facial masterpiece after enjoying a Poirot marathon with his wife Julie, 29, and tortoise Ken.

In a dramatic drugs raid last week, the police arrested local cocaine Baroness Gloria Stevens. Stevens, a grandmother of 7, attempted to flee, but was captured when police cut the electricity to her coke den, trapping her on her StairMaster. Despite a fierce fight, where 3 police officers were injured, the geriatric criminal was restrained and taken to the local police station. She is to appear in court next Thursday.

1 comment:

Ben Tyson said...

grandmother of 7 eh? she must have started early!

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