This is not my coat-of-arms. Sorry. Image via WikipediaSo, it would appear I had a small hallucination yesterday. I should clarify then, dear reader, I do NOT control the armies of Middle-Earth. I know, I know. I'm as disappointed as you.
Anyway, the upshot of this is that I accidently marched on and occupied London. The tramps then lost interest, wandering away to beg for money and be smelly. Fearing for my safety, I bought a fake beard, shaved my head and prepared to flee the city. Then, remembering the disguise Lenin used to escape from Russia successfully in 1917, I shaved off the beard and donned a wig. I got on a train, successfully dodging the authorities and ticket inspector, and made my way home.
My journey was fairly uneventful apart from that, but I did see a swan.