Like the X-factor from hell... Well, like the X-factor if it was from a worse hell... I continued to receive auditions from people wishing to replace Max. Even setting aside the issue of how these people knew about Max, and why they would audition for the role of someone's friend, the process wasn't going well.
The skinhead in the vest had turned out just to be a big racist. I wasn't surprised. He possessed no interesting or redeeming features, just a burning hatred of the Aztec people. The second candidate - the vampire-pirate - was also unexpectedly boring. Being a vampire, of course, he couldn't go out in the day, or enter water. As a pirate, of course, he was expected to spend his days on top of a ship in the water. So he had obtained a job with Her Majesty's Customs and Revenue department, while keeping his cultural identity by dressing as a twat.
The faux-blind man turned out to be the most interesting, purely on the grounds that his dog savaged me and stole my wallet. I shall not be considering either for the role of Max. I sometimes miss him, but then I remember everything.
2 comments:
I would love to audition for the role of Max. I bring no redeemable qualities and a penchant for fist fighting cardboard cut-outs. Of myself. Which I never win.
Also, I wish we in America could feel free to use the word twat like that. Wonderful.
To be honest, I think you'd make a great sidekick. However, in real life, our zany adventures would probably result in your death, which may anger your family a little...
What bit about my usage of twats do you approve of?
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