Tuesday, 6 December 2011

My Months of Hard work bear fruit!

After several months working hard in my lab, my twisted science has born fruit! Not real fruit, like a mechanical pear or a hairless plum, but a metaphorical fruit. In fact, I shouldn't have used that metaphor, it confused me, leaving me riddled with syphilis like only a poorly chosen metaphor or sex worker can do.

 Instead, what I mean to say is that after months of hard work, my twisted science has born elixir! Not such a great statement, seeing how elixirs aren't really born (unless they're made from liquidised baby giraffe or something, I suppose) but are made. Regardless, I've been doing evil science and it worked. That's what I wanted so say in the first place, and that's what I should have said. Curse you hubris.

 Anyway, at first I worked on a potion to make myself into a catfish. I was inspired by two things, firstly my hatred of human life, and secondly, my love of animals named after two other animals which eat each other in the order they're named (I also like kettlefish and foxgloves for the same reasons).
Catfish can often be this size depending on their environment
I was a big boy. Except that's just a catfish.
Via Fishguild.com
 In the end, that experiment was a success, and I turned into a catfish. My legs fused into a tail, my penis rotated 180-degrees around my body and grew into a fin, and my face imploded on itself to make gills. However, I was nowhere near water and would have quickly died if not for my twisted lab servant injecting me with the serum that made me human again.

 So back to my most recent experiment. I've started blogging again recently, as you may have noticed. A Christmas treat for you all, you delightful sexual deviants, and wanted more followers. So I made a chemical compound, a liquid mixture I could sneak into the water supplies of individuals around the internet, inducing a state of baffled euphoria and most importantly, causing them to promote my blog on their blog.

 So in other words, Doug over at I Like Cheese has spoken some kind words about my blog. So thanks to him, and welcome to any new readers who've arrived because of his promotion of myself. Sorry about the mad ramblings...


Anji said...

The cheesy stickman sent me - seems that your potion is working. I'll be back...

Why not join us? ExposeYourBlog!

Doug Stephens said...

Don't worry about Anji. She thinks she's the Terminator, but she's harmless.

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