"And another... another thing!" The tree hiccuped drunkenly, "She never lets me see the kids! Bitch!"
I looked around sadly. It was no use, there was no-one else here: I didn't like the tree, but I felt sorry for him. His divorce had come through today, and someone needed to look after him.
"It's ok big guy," I offered sympathetically. Reaching out, I patted his soft, punchable bark.
"Hey!" He yelled, "Don't patronize me! I don't need you! I don't need anyone!"
Batting me away with a branch, he stormed off, towards the setting sun. After a few uneasy steps, he began to lose his balance, stumbling over roots and terrified wildlife.
"Get away!" He yelled, as I again offered to help.
Fine, I thought to myself, be a jerk. Turning on my heel, I went to leave. Behind me, I could make out the noises of the tree falling over.
A tree fell in the forest, and I heard it. But I'll never tell.