The woop-woop of the fire alarm woop-wooped like some sort of annoying bird. Wearily, I rose and checked the time. 4 in the morning, fucking great. I pulled on my jeans and a jacket, and got most of the way into my shoes when the door burst open and a fireman entered. From behind a truly massive moustache, he offered the following in a calming, authoritative voice:
"Nothing to worry about Sir, it's only a drill. Go back to bed, sorry to have disturbed you."
Waving off the trouble, I turned and headed back towards bed. As I approached, I heard a yell, and turned in time to see a large axe spit my door in half. A small, balding man with a clipboard and a badge indicating he was doing the testing ran into the room. After looking around for a second, he threw a match into my bin, and another into a pile of magazines. He then retreated to the door.
As I looked on in shock, two different firemen rushed into the room and started to put out the fire, which had rapidly spread. A third ran in and lifted me up, carrying me out of the room.
He discarded me on the grass outside and ran back into my burning home. Within minutes, the fire had spread to the neighbouring buildings, and two more fire engines had arrived. Within two hours, the fire was extinguished.
The firemen had gathered around the examiner, who proudly informed them that their demonstration had given him no reason to doubt their abilities, and that the district would be safe should a fire ever occur. With that, they left.
It was cold outside, but fortunately an ambulance crew were doing a similar test and rescued me.