In the real world...

I'm still at home at the moment. Yesterday, I caught my mother encouraging the cat to lick my toast. There's still snow outside, but it's starting to melt. I expect this will cause a flood of Biblical proportions. Neptune! I'll get you one day...

The saga continues

Now that I'd gotten that damnable wall down, I began the process of tidying up. Max was, as usual, being unhelpful.
 "Hey," I called out, as I filled a wheelbarrow with bricks, "Did'ya hear about that women who married part of the Berlin Wall."
 "Yea," Max replied, daintily picking up a brick from the top of the pile, "What's that called again?"
 "Objectum-sexuality, I think. Something like that." I called back.
 "Sounds right," He called back. "I've got that you know... I like women"
I sighed. I mean, really. I didn't even know why I was friends with Max - I mean, he's fictional, for one thing. Still, no point bringing that up until he'd helped me clean up the garden. I needed the bricks... I was going to dam up the Sea... I'll teach Neptune to fuck with me!

I see...

I remember when I first noticed something had changed outside my house. I opened the curtains, as I often do of a morning, expecting to see my garden. Instead, I saw the sea. This, as you can imagine, was rather disconcerting. The sea, in the right environment, is a lovely thing to behold. A nice picture, for instance, is a beautiful place to see the sea lapping dramatically, or something. Or films. It can be very useful in films. However, outside one's window - when one should be in the city, far removed from anything as close to nature as water - is not the place for nautical nonsense.
 From then on, I actually adapted pretty well. The TV still worked, and survival programmes taught me exactly how to forage for food, and find clean drinking water. In fact, things were going swimmingly (Tee hee), until last Thursday, when a pirate ship loomed into view. It followed me until the Saturday, at which point it began to open fire with all it's cannons. Even the ones on the other side of the boat. I was able to fight them off, but they managed to steal my patio, along with all my patio furniture.

Let this be a warning to you - don't cross Neptune.
Or Aquaman.