Today, I acquired my own nemesis. It is a big day in a man's life when he acquires his archenemy, and can shape the rest of my life. What tragic backstory do we have? How did you become enemies? What colour is his hat? All questions that people will ask when you tell them about your foe.
So what form does he take? This Moriarty to my Holmes, this Janitor to my J.D, this tub of lard to my exercising fat man, this... I've ran out of them... I don't owe you an apology...
Well, he is rather more bland than many famous villains. His name is Clive, he's 42 and owns a small shop selling mobile phone accessories. You know, those small shops you see with the shiny clip-on covers and individual number keys? To start with, he is simply a hindrance to me - running up behind me and pushing me into puddles, signing me up to newsletters I don't want, and tipping out my trashcan. However, as time goes on, I expect he'll become more threatening - killing my best friend, stealing a train or maybe eating starving orphans. His back story will expand, maybe he's my long-lost brother, who knows? Then, we'll join forces for a Christmas, child-friendly Special.
Still, I'm excited at all the possibilities that lie ahead. I just hope he doesn't kill me outright, that would just be impolite.
And the one thing I can't stand is an impolite Nemesis.