I shouldered open the back door, stumbled dramatically into the kitchen, and dropped the shopping bags onto the floor. A lone tin of beans slowly rolled out, colliding with a chair leg in a boring fashion.
"Oh, been to the shops?" asked my made-up, plot devise wife.
I looked down, slowly, at the bags of shopping, at the words "Tesco" brazenly stamped onto said bags, and then looked slowly at her.
"No." I replied "I've just taken all the food out of the cupboards and the fridge, and taken it on a 45-minute bus journey."
In retrospect, this was foolish. The bags were heavy, and the soup my mother had given me had gone off in the heat.
I haven't seen my wife in several days...
That's two down now...