Superheroes

I think the world needs more Superheroes to deal with the problems of increased violent crime, terrorism, drugs and people who phone up to sell you stuff you don't want. To this end, i plan to start a society of superheroes, feel free to sign up. Here are some ideas:

Elderly man - an old man who fights crime by moaning at it about stuff, and hitting criminals with a stick.
Pros: The stick often catches criminals unaware. Cons: Bladder weakness, tends to get stolen.

Flash Photography Boy - using a the flash on a camera, he not only blinds criminals, but gets evidence of them committing their criminal acts.
Pros: Blinding opponents is actually rather practical. Cons: It's a pretty shit idea really.

The Bad Father - uses fighting crime as an excuse to not visit his son and for forgetting his girlfriend Julie's Birthday.
Pros: Has experience escaping from difficult situations. Cons: Commitment.

Miss Obvious - states the obvious until criminals get pissed off and leave.
Pros: Isn't it obvious? Cons: The criminals might just assault/kill/eat him instead of leaving, bloody annoying

Mr. President man - is generally an idiot, and invariably makes situations of international tension worse.
Pros: Hilarious grammatical mistakes. Cons: Everything else.