Want to see a picture of Spideman molesting a dolphin that I stole?

Image via WikipediaYea? I know you do, you sick bastards. Head over to Weeding out the Idiots then. Or Iced Tea and Sarcasm, where I saw this originally. In fact, it would probably be for the best if you went to both. And brought me cake.

Thanks!

Award! Award! Award!

I'm living the dream! I got this award from the mysterious Homemaker Man over at Musings from the Big Pink. Not visited there before? Well, you should. Or I'll eat you.
 So, I gather what I'm meant to do is write seven things about me that I haven't written before, then pass the award on to some other unsuspecting mug. Here goes:

1. I'm not really fire retardant. Despite my claims of fireproofyness, I actually burn to death as easily as the next man.
2. I'm not a great writer. Sorry if you've just arrived here for the first time, seeking Wilde or Tolstoy. Often, I make up words like fireproofyness.
3. I would like to sing. But I can't. I'm not just saying that out of modesty, I have a terrible voice, and cannot carry a tune.
4. I'm pregnant. No, not really. That was a lie, and a pretty unimaginative one at that. I apologise.
5. I enjoy the size of Arnold Schwarzenegger's arms in films. But who doesn't enjoy a good point-and-stare session at Arnie's arm-melons on the silver screen?
6. I distrust the Spanish. I'm not racist, but I enjoy judging entire groups of people based on where they're from.
7. I don't like to answer the door or the phone, especially if I'm on my own. I meet too many weird men in public toilets, and I'm scared that they might mind out where I live.

 So now I pass this on, I think. I'll send it to Todd over at Iced Tea and Sarcasm. I hope this doesn't cause constipation. If you've not visited his blog before, why not? Make a day of it, bring me back a present.

 

Oh, and if you're a new reader who got here from one end of the award spectrum or the other, say hi. Stay a while, eat my food, make me uncomfortable on my own blog. Yum!