A series of unfortunate revenges

I took a look at the door in front of me. I didn't look very strong, I could probably kick my way through it. But that was unnecessary, as my mother had explained at Christmas. Instead, I decided to do the polite thing, and knocked on the door. To keep my anger on an even keel I knocked loudly though.
 After a few minutes, I heard some shuffling from inside. Duly, a goth opened the door and looked at me in a depressed way. Resisting the temptation to shout "Vampire!" and steak him through the heart - as I am wanton to do in cliched fashion - I instead began my spiel:
 "Mornin' love." I began. He didn't look impressed, but I didn't know if he could. "You called for a plumber?"
 "No." He replied plainly.
I sighed. This wasn't going to plan. Pointing at the floor, I lured the goth to lower his head in inquest. Reaching into my toolkit, I picked out a wrench, and hit him over the head. Dragging him into his flat, I stole his clothes and makeup. Dressing the goth in my stolen plumber costume, I then dragged him outside to my stolen van and dumped him in the driver's seat. I am trying to escape my life: Back in my flat, a severely concussed plumber is wearing my clothes and hearing about Max's trip to the supermarket, where he had been racially abused by two Koreans.
 Dressed as the goth, I headed out to obtain another persona. Perhaps I'll be a supermodel, who knows?

I've sprung a leak...

Fortunately, I'm not a boat, so I'm wasn't immediately worried. Still, to be on the safe side, I called a plumber to come and take a look.
 The doorbell rung, and I duly opened it. The plumber stood outside. Well, I assumed he was a plumber: He had tool-belt anyway, and a small moustache. He looked up as I opened the door:
 "Good morning madam," He began. "I hear your pipes need looking at..."
I sighed, and let the plumber in.
 "The leak's in my bedroom," I began unthinkingly. "Can you try and fix it?"
 "The bedroom? Yea, I'll see what I can do. Just show me your leak, and I'll see if I've got the tools for the job."
 I showed the plumber into my room, and wandered off to make some coffee. I returned, about 5 minutes later, to find the plumber sprawled naked on my bed. I looked at him in shock for a few moments, and he began to look sheepish. From my walls came the rush of water, and like a badly-formed sexual metaphor, the pipes broke, spurting water into the room. After a few minutes, I snorkeled the plumber and left him to work.
 In fact, it turns out he has no actual plumbing qualifications. As such, he drowned after a few minutes. Fortunately, I opened a window and the water flowed out, taking the dead plumber with it.
 What I should have done was get something fire-spewing to evaporate the water.
 Do you get fire-spewing plumbers? I'd like to think so, there's certainly a market for them...