Gentlemen, I have completed a fabled task! Long has it been the stock of comedians, sitcoms and drunken men who think they are comedians or in a sitcom, to comment on the ability - seemingly innate to women - to put a towel on one's head, twist it three times, and leave it there. The towel, to the woman, is a natural friend, staying there until the hair is dry and such things friends do. Long has it been said that men cannot achieve such a unity with the towel. Long has it been said that these magics are know only to women through ancient and often-renewed deals with Satan himself.
Not so, friends! For I have placed a towel on my head and achieved such a goal!
It was shit. The whole thing was tight, it covered one of my eyes, and whenever I moved, it caused shooting pains across my whole head. I hereby move to make it illegal to own a towel, either for personal use, or to sell to damp people on the street. Think of the children! Oh, why won't anyone think of the children!
Showing posts with label men. Show all posts
Showing posts with label men. Show all posts
Sunday, 13 June 2010
Tuesday, 28 April 2009
"Happy Birthday!"
To his credit, Calum faked surprise at his predictable surprise party. Smiling widly, he entered the living room, offering surprised thanks to his friends and family for the surprise party that had totally surprised him. After all, it had been no giveaway when all his friends had totally forgotten what date it was, nor when his brother, who "just happened" to be flying in for the weekend, had taken him to a restaurant and insisted on driving him home. The line of cars outside had still furthered the illusion that no surprise party had been organised.
"Wow, thanks everyone!" Calum callled out, "this is just great. And this cake, look at the size of it!"
It was a big cake. Calum was not surprised when a few seconds later, the lights dimmed and the top of the cake burst open. He was surprised however by the short, naked fat man who fell drunkenly out of it. With a loud groan, the man stumbled to his feet, and toppled forwards into the icing-coated sponge. A few minutes of silence passed before the man began to eat the cake. In between bites, he cried loudly. After a few more minutes, people started to leave.
To his credit, Calum faked surprise at his predictable surprise party. Smiling widly, he entered the living room, offering surprised thanks to his friends and family for the surprise party that had totally surprised him. After all, it had been no giveaway when all his friends had totally forgotten what date it was, nor when his brother, who "just happened" to be flying in for the weekend, had taken him to a restaurant and insisted on driving him home. The line of cars outside had still furthered the illusion that no surprise party had been organised.
"Wow, thanks everyone!" Calum callled out, "this is just great. And this cake, look at the size of it!"
It was a big cake. Calum was not surprised when a few seconds later, the lights dimmed and the top of the cake burst open. He was surprised however by the short, naked fat man who fell drunkenly out of it. With a loud groan, the man stumbled to his feet, and toppled forwards into the icing-coated sponge. A few minutes of silence passed before the man began to eat the cake. In between bites, he cried loudly. After a few more minutes, people started to leave.
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