"Happy Birthday!"
To his credit, Calum faked surprise at his predictable surprise party. Smiling widly, he entered the living room, offering surprised thanks to his friends and family for the surprise party that had totally surprised him. After all, it had been no giveaway when all his friends had totally forgotten what date it was, nor when his brother, who "just happened" to be flying in for the weekend, had taken him to a restaurant and insisted on driving him home. The line of cars outside had still furthered the illusion that no surprise party had been organised.
"Wow, thanks everyone!" Calum callled out, "this is just great. And this cake, look at the size of it!"
It was a big cake. Calum was not surprised when a few seconds later, the lights dimmed and the top of the cake burst open. He was surprised however by the short, naked fat man who fell drunkenly out of it. With a loud groan, the man stumbled to his feet, and toppled forwards into the icing-coated sponge. A few minutes of silence passed before the man began to eat the cake. In between bites, he cried loudly. After a few more minutes, people started to leave.

Growing up is harsh.

All in all, Joseph wasn't the best father to me. I remember, for instance, sitting in the living room on my 7th birthday, waiting for him to come home; hoping that he would bring me a present. Of course, he never came.
In later life, i came to forgive him for these failings. Joseph Stalin wasn't my real father, and he had died in 1953. Still, a card would have been nice.