I looked at the table she was trying to sell me. It was very nice, and I was tempted.
"And Sir, it's made of genuine misogyny!" The Sales assistant chirped cheerfully.
"Don't you mean Mahogany?" I asked tentatively.
"What she means mate, is that she'll put the kettle on while the men discuss business. Isn't that right love?"
I bought the table. Sure, its opinions were out-of-date, but you don't get many talking tables.

disturbing tales for children you want to hit but can't, so just emotionaly scar instead, Volume 1

"What happened to the living room table?"
Sighing, Max rose from the the chair and prepared to smooth things over.
"Well Carol," he said, giving her the old puppy-dog eyes, "I'm sorry. It was an accident."
"Eww!" screamed Carol, looking at the severed organs in her hands, "Get out!"
Still, she thought to herself, that's dinner sorted out.

Now eat your sprouts, or it'll be your dog next!