I looked out the window...

Image via WikipediaThere was a figure coming down the path, towards my front door. A familiar figure, hidden under a giant sombrero and poncho, cutting a zig-zag path to my house. Stumbling to the door, Max reached out and feebly tried to claw the door-handle.

 I opened the door and looked at him in silence.

 "Señorita !" He yelled, "It is I! El Drunko, the Mexican drunk!"

 I continued to look on impassively. After a few moments, a group of banditos arrived and started to shoot at Max. I went back into the house and boiled the kettle. I was thirsty, and wanted some tea.

I solemnly answered the door.

Outside, a pair of men: slightly hunched over, with nervous smiles on their faces. Of course, these smiles were obscured by huge fake beards. You see, they were both dressed as Santa. I probably should have told you that earlier. Bah, who cares?
 I scanned their hands quickly - nope, no Bibles. This wasn't going to be like last month, when two Religious callers sneaked into my house disguised as my parents, anyway.
 "Can I help you?"
 "Well, we're here with presents. We're Santa, you see." Said the first
 "Santa." Replied the second, nodding hopefully.
Deciding nothing hilarious would happen if I didn't let them into my house, I invited the two Santas inside. I made them both a cup of tea, and they drank it silently. After a few minutes, they thanked me and left.
 To this day, I have no idea why they visited. I did notice they stole a lot of coal from my fireplace though. Thieving jolly bastards.

They were right...

My door does smell of vomit...

Guess what's back!

Knock knock, went the door. Ha, thought you'd gotten rid of this didn't you!
"who's there?"
"Adolf"
"Adolf who?"
"Hitler. I hope there aren't any Jews in there!"
It had been bad enough when the KKK visited last week, and lets not even get started on the offensive things the mailman said about homosexuals. I seem to live in a very bigoted and fictitious neighbourhood.

Beware! The kitchen door bit my hand! Now that it's tasted human flesh, it craves for more. Watch out residents of Murray Hall!