I surveyed the crime scene. The blood had spread wider across the thick carpet than I would have expected, now drying into an old hearthrug. Lines of string stretched from the blood splatters on the wall, showing where the victim had been standing when he had been brutally bludgeoned. His corpse, cold and rigid, lay where it had fallen on the floor. He was a big man, maybe 250 pounds, and at least 6 foot.
I approached the scene, addressing my question to the suited man bending over him.
"Any clues?"
"No." He replied, "nothing yet."
With that, he reached across and started to undo the corpse's belt.
"What are you looking for detective?" I asked tentatively. It was my first murder investigation, and I had no idea what to look for.
"Detective?" He replied, "Oh no... I'm just a necrophiliac. Sorry 'bout the confusion there."
"No trouble..." I replied. Policing is a strange world, it appears.

bake day

"Hey! Joe, come try some cake!"
Reluctantly, Joe walked over to my table and picked up a slice of cake.
"Well, this looks surprisingly good actually. Better than the goose bread anyway.
"Is it carrot cake?" He asked, taking a large bite.
"Yea," I replied. Seeing his pained expression, i added, "and broken glass. Zingy, eh?"

Welcome!

Do come in! Take of that coat and sit yourself down by the fire! There we go, comfy?
I know, i'll get you a drink! Is it good? Drink it all up... go on, I've got plenty.

Ha! You fool, that wasn't a delicious cocktail, that was my blood! Now you're my slave, for ever! Moo ha ha ha!

What, you have to leave? Oh, ok.

.........................................................

Why does no-one ever visit me?