Some kind of Extremists are targeting me...

I was awoken last night by some sort of commotion in my front yard. Rushing outside, I found a giant, burning cross and an effigy hanging from a tree. With trepidation, I approached the effigy, expecting some sort of crude representation of a black man or a Jew, or whatever group bigots like to pick on these days. However, closer inspection revealed what appeared to be a middle aged white man-doll. Closer inspection still (Not that close, I was about a foot away. I was just studying it more intently. You shouldn't take everything so literally.) revealed the figure had a very high waistline. It dawned on me - I was obviously being targeted by a group of Simon Cowell haters. Since I was examining things closer, I took a better look at what I'd assumed was a crucifix. In fact, the cross was more of a Saint Andrew's affair than the traditional Jesus-nailing cross, and the X-shaped cross was painted red. Obviously, someone really didn't like the X-factor.
 I get that... What I don't get is why they were so extreme about it or why they targeted me. I don't even like Simon Cowell, so why target me?
 How can so much shit happen to the same person?

Merry Christmas season

Merry two days after Christmas, everyone! And what a Christmas it's been. This post, of course, is for anyone who spend the season hidden in an internetless underground bunker, as is advisory during the festive season. Who, dear friends, could foresee the dangers and delights of this year's Xmas? Snow, sex and Santa, not to mention Hitler's ghost possessing the body of Simon Cowell and terrorising the population of East Anglia! Not for a long time has such community spirit been seen, as was when the troubled people rallied together to send the demonic beast back to hell.
 And get rid of Hitler while they were at it.

 And who could foresee Santa's surprise decision to retire? The nation is racked as it debates who best to take over the job. Early rumours suggest some unlikely candidates from the political arena - Troubled PM Gordon Brown looks likely to try and bolster his popularity with some festive gift-giving, while the Tories favour simply letting children buy their own presents - after all, if you need someone else to buy you something, you're not rich enough to be happy.

On a more serious Christmas note, I fear soon I shall be writing thank-you notes. I may be a grown man, but there's no arguing with my mother.
 So, to everyone out there: Thank you for my Christmas present. I am well, and hope you are too.
 Love Paul