I checked the mirror - no sign of anything, I must have lost him. Ha! No vampire catches me...

I enjoy reading the Daily Mail.

It's easier to follow than a newspaper.
Doesn't taste very good though.

I might have too much hair...

It's starting to annoy my eyes.

I recently stumbled upon the following fact in the fact thing at the side of my page:

"Flamingos are not naturally pink. They get their color from their food, tiny green algae that turn pink during digestion."

I read the first sentence, and for a wonderful moment I imagined a man spray-painting them. Then my dreams were crushed.

4 down...

I returned from the shops at last. It was quite an ordeal, but I won't go into that. Opening the door, my (they're still fictitious) wife greeted me somewhat sternly:
"4 days you've been gone. God, you were only getting a copy of The Pianist and some cat food." She tutted somewhat, then continued: "And you have neither, did you eat the DVD again?"
"No." I replied, "There were Tictacs in the car. But I was away a long time... You know how you always wanted a diamond necklace? Well, I got you a bear!"
Tragically, it mauled my other half and she left me shortly afterwards. The bear fell in love with my neighbour Jonas, and moved in with him. I still see them from time to time, even though they moved to Dublin.

That's around 4 now, methinks. Can't be bothered checking...

While I'm saying stuff...

I'm also in favour of Genetically Modified crops. I'd love giant rice krispies. Put a load under in a hall somewhere and they could double up as space-age homes for tramps.
I used to wonder why people didn't want General Motors making crops. I supposed they'd be oily or something...

women often say it's not easy being a women

Oh yea? Well it's fucking harder if you weren't born one.

The pair closed in on me, knives brandished. Slowly, i reached into my pocket and pulled out my wallet. Stretching out, I gave it to the closest. Happy with their loot, the two urban foxes disappeared into the night. I, however, was not happy. Not one bit.

Personally, I don't disagree with cosmetic testing on animals.

You think they're born that cute? A lot of work goes into making them adorable. Ok, so the mascara might have been overdone on the Panda, but no-one's perfect.

It is often said that there is a fine line between genius and insanity. I don't know why.
I'm pretty insane, and I can recognise that everyone would be a lot safer if the line was thickened up a bit to keep the lunatics out. But seriously: When a group of scientists make a breakthrough towards curing cancer, it's easy to tell them apart from a bald, naked man hiding amongst the potatoes in Asda.